Introduction
You had a meeting a week ago with one of your co-workers to discuss a project you’re working on together. You thought your co-worker was going to gather some data that you needed to complete the project report. Now your co-worker is telling you that she thought you were going to pull the numbers together.
What went wrong?
You were both the victims of miscommunication. No more important (and more often overlooked) key to effective performance exists in the business world, than good communication skills. But even in an atmosphere of cooperation, messages can be misunderstood and the problems can develop.
Why Communication Fails
Misunderstandings are the result of faulty or incomplete communication. Here are several reasons that even given the best intentions, communication can break down:
* Non-verbal signals: Researchers tell us that there are scores of non-verbal expressions. Some of these expressions can be similar. For instance, consider how the expressions for surprise and fear look. Because of this, you need to be extremely careful about jumping to conclusions when ” reading non-verbal cues. When in doubt, ask, “You look like you’re puzzled. Are you?”
* Semantics: Just as a non-verbal expression can be the same or similar for two or more emotions, a single word or phrase can have more than one meaning. For instance, in recent years, the phrase “That’s really bad” has taken on a completely opposite meaning.
* Lack of time: We sometimes try to communicate important bits of information when we’re pressed for time. The best single bit of advice here is simply, “Take the time to do it right.”
* Memory: We are bombarded with countless messages each day. It’s not surprising that we sometimes forget some of them.
Again, the solution is simple: “if it’s important, write it down, or dictate it on a “things to do” recorder.” And if someone is trying to deliver a complex or important bit of information to you while “on the run” ask the person to write it down and give you the information in “hard copy,” or email it to you.
* Personalities: Whenever people are involved, interpersonal difficulties can develop. You know that you’re more likely to have communication problems with “that jerk in finance” than you are with your best friend in production.
Be alert to your own biases and take steps to avoid letting them interface with your communication.
Here’s a 3-Stage Approach
Of course, there are other reasons that communication can break down. Those given above are just some of the most common.
Consider this three-stage approach for avoiding miscommunication through verification, clarification and follow-up:
* Verification: this word is defined as “testing the truth or accuracy of.” People often do not wait until they have all the information they need before forming an opinion. In conversations, especially, we’re often “thinking ahead” because we can listen at a much faster rate than we can speak.
Verification takes place whether you’re giving or receiving a message and involves very basic questions, such as:
When receiving: “So you’re saying that…” “Let me make sure I understand you…”
When giving: “I want to make sure you understand what I mean. Could you tell me how you interpreted what I just said?”
In both cases you want to verify that the communication has been perceived accurately. At first it may seem somewhat awkward to be asking these questions.
But when you have used this approach for a while, you’ll find that it comes more naturally. The value of avoiding problems and complications in the future far outweighs a little initial discomfort.
* Clarification: This stage involves questioning when you’re receiving information and explaining when you’re giving it. It’s the natural follow-up to stage one, especially in those instances where the message being sent is not being understood clearly.
Many of us are hesitant to ask too many questions for fear that we’ll appear stupid. Consider how much more “stupid” you’ll appear if you do something incorrectly or take the wrong action because you failed to clarify in the first place.
On the other hand, when you’re giving information be aware of this natural hesitance. Encourage the other person to ask questions so that you know you’re getting your point across accurately.
At the end of any discussion, make sure that both you and the other party (or parties) understand what should happen next, if anything, or what decisions have been made.
By taking extra steps to make things clear, you can avoid misunderstandings later.
* Follow-up: Have you ever attended a meeting where it seemed that everything was going well, good decisions were being made and discussion about steps to take in the future seemed clear? And did you later discover that there was never any follow-up and that nothing really developed from the discussion?
That’s what often happens with our conversations. We make some decisions, identify a course of action to pursue – but never follow-up. This is a critical area that you must gain control of to avoid miscommunication.
For instance, following a meeting on budget preparation, you might sum up as follows: “Okay, now Les, you’ll be gathering figures on XYZ and will have them prepared by December 1. Pat, you’ll be looking into ABC and will have a report to me by November 15. We’ll be meeting again on December 15 to wrap this up. Did I miss anything?”
At the clarification stage, set a time to follow-up on the discussion if follow-up is appropriate. Then do it.
Some Additional Tips
* Avoid making comments such as,, “You don’t understand,” during the clarification stage. Statements like that can result in defensive reactions. Instead, you could say something such as, “I don’t think I’m making myself clear. What I meant is…”
* Don’t let personal biases interfere with the quality of your listening.
An attractive, charming person or somebody you like personally will be easier for you to understand. You may find it difficult to listen to someone because of his or her physical appearance, speaking ability or your negative feelings toward the person. In cases where a personal bias exists, make an extra effort to stay alert.
* Avoid daydreaming. Because we can listen at a rate of 400 to 600 wpm but can speak only at fewer than 200 wpm, there is a tendency to let our minds wander when someone is speaking to us. So, make a special effort to listen to what’s being said.
* Use “I” messages when giving criticism. Take responsibility yourself rather than trying to place blame (even inadvertently) on the other person. For instance, “I feel confused” is better than “You’re confusing me.”
Remember: There is no magic formula to guarantee that you will never experience another misunderstanding or disagreement. You will not always “get your way.”
The most you can hope for is to minimize misunderstandings and increase your chance of getting your points across to others. And you can – by using the three-stage formula of verification, clarification and follow-up.
Reprinted with permission from Communication Briefings (Briefings)
